I sent this quote to Kendall a couple of weeks ago when all the craziness that is our life was getting to him and he wanted to know if he was crazy. And than he asked me again last night if we're nuts and you guessed it, I told him this quote again. It is one of my go to quotes because I think it holds a lot of truth.
The last two weeks have been tough for me. Between trying to keep up with blogging and learning the ins and outs of the business side of it, our home renovation, working, keeping up with everyday responsibilities and a couple of other outside commitments, plus trying to be a nice wife and dog mom through it all has felt like a little much. I know a lot of you probably feel the same way.
Yesterday I finally locked Tripp (our dog, not my husband) outside for awhile so that I could get some work done without him on top of me and sat on the floor and cried with some sandpaper in my hand. It was all just too much in the moment. There's some exciting things ahead for us, but right now we're waiting on final answers and details and the not knowing and uncertainty really gets to me sometimes. I feel like I'm hanging on a string and being dangled over different places and wondering where and when I'm going to be set down and settled. I just like to know things and the not knowing and waiting and the rushing to get things done in the meantime sometimes bubbles up inside and bursts out in either shouting or tears or sends me under my covers to sleep and escape from it all. Pretty sure all three of those things happened yesterday.
I'm working on trusting God through it all and it is not easy. I have lots of moments where I'm asking Him why about things and telling Him I don't really understand. I'm constantly reminding myself that He is kind and good even if it doesn't always seem or feel like it, and I'm also constantly reminding myself that He is not my genie in a bottle and that He will let me know what I need to know when I need to know it and He will guide and direct us on our way even when we can't see the way. It is hard to trust and believe all that at times and there are moments and days when I doubt it, but in my head and heart, I know it's true.
This renovation and life feels like it is kicking my butt right now, mainly because we're having to rush it and barely have a clue what we're doing and things take way longer than you think they will and mistakes are made and have to be fixed. For instance, I carefully taped off our dining room since I was using black paint against white and the black bled through and I had to go back and touch up the whole dining room with a tiny little artist brush. Shoot me.
Would/will I do it again? Yes. Absolutely, yes. Because it really does bring me a lot of joy, and I'm bonkers. We're bonkers. Even in all my despair yesterday, I was throwing out some ideas to Kendall and he just looked at me and told me I was crazy. I take that as a compliment because all the best people are, right?
Even though I'm overwhelmed and my house is a train wreck and there seems like a million tiny little details to tend to. I'm excited for what the future holds. But for now I just have to put my head down and do the work and push through the hard stuff. Oh, and be nice to people. You can pray for me on that last one.
Thanks for letting my share my heart with you guys and I hope you all enjoy the rest of your week! The weekend is just around the corner!
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